|Monday Memories: Did I ever tell you about
what a scary criminal I am?
Well, I promised Jen
that I share the story of my warrant. And since I actually did nothing wrong, I figure it’s probably
alright. So here goes.
Back in 1990 I spent some time touring around with The Rainbow Family of Living
Light. Yep, in case you hadn’t guessed
it, I was a total gypsy-hippie chick. (Shocking,
huh with all the home-birth/living in vans stories, and all.)
In the October there was to be a regional gathering in Colorado,
and I figured that would make a great place to be. So off I went with some friends to Boulder. We rolled in at around 10:00 one evening and pulled up to a friend’s house just
long enough to flop for the night. My fellow freaks had been arriving for days and there wasn’t much room left, but I was a tiny
thing at that time, so pretty much any space would do.
The next morning I was feeling a bit crowded, and since I’d
heard what a scenic town Boulder was, I thought I’d go check it out. What’s more, I really needed to find a phone
to check in with my folks. Yes, even
off-the-grid, society spurning, rebellious youths should call their parents to
let them know that they are OK. Maya, if
you read this, please remember that. There may come a time…
So I walked up to Pearl Street, to
a coffee house that I’d heard of called Penny Lane.
I’d just used the pay phone (on the
public sidewalk, mind you) to say hi to my mom, when two police officers
approached me. I figured this would be
an interesting meeting of the minds, but knowing that I had done nothing wrong,
I was not worried.
Evidently, they were not of the same opinion. As they stood there the female officer pulled
out her tablet and began to write me a ticket…for trespassing. Of course I
inquired as to how such a thing could be. As far as I knew, using a public phone on a public sidewalk was no
indiscretion. She told me that there had
been a complaint from Isadore, the owner of the coffee house, stating that I’d
been there for several days causing trouble and spending no money. When I informed her that there must have been
a miscommunication of some sort, as I had only arrived the night before. She, in turn,
accused me of lying, since Isadore had pointed me out specifically.
Now mind you, the whole time that this conversation was
taking place the police had their backs turned toward the café. Furthermore, I was watching the proprietor
chase people around with a baseball bat. Did I tell the cops this? You
betcha! Her response (the male officer
never said a word) was, “I know Isadore. He is a good man. He would never
do anything like that.” Despite my insistence
– not to mention that of the crowd that had gathered, she didn’t even turn
around to look.
So I figure I never stood a chance. I was going to get that ticket, no matter
There I was a few minutes later, standing on the sidewalk,
perplexed by the odd turn of events when I thought to look down at the
ticket. And that’s when I noticed the
court date. She’d set it for a month
later. A month later?!? By that time the gathering would be over, and
it would be very, very cold in Colorado. Even if I found a place to live, a way to pay
for it, and decided to show up for my day in court, all of my witnesses would
be gone. Furthermore, I did not have an
extra hundred or so dollars to throw toward a false ticket. The way I figure it, the lovely law enforcers
of Boulder had probably followed
this scenario to its logical conclusion and were just as pleased with its
result as I was dismayed. Best case
scenario, they made a chunk of change…worst case, they were rid of another lousy
So I went to the gathering, had a lovely time, and left Colorado
never to return. My statute of limitations
ended almost fifteen years ago, but I have yet to revisit the fair city of Boulder. It’ll take a lot to get me there, too. After the harassment and slander, I think they
owe me an apology first…
or at least a cup of coffee.
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