IT’S A DRY HEAT

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  • You notice your car overheating before you drive it.
  • You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.
  • You know a swamp cooler is not a happy hour drink.
  • You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching.
  • You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour…and it will be over 100 degrees.
  • You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot.
  • You can make sun tea instantly.
  • You run your a/c in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace.
  • The best parking is determined by shade…..not distance.   In fact, you are willing to park 3 blocks away because you actually found shade from a palm tree imported 300 miles from California and nurtured with water piped 250 miles from Nevada. 
  • You realize that "Valley Fever" isn’t a disco dance.
  • Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
  • It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people.
  • You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
  • Sunscreen is sold year round, kept right at the checkout counter.
  • You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box.
  • Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse…..some fools actually try to jog.
  • You know hot air balloons can’t rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon.
  • No one would dream of putting vinyl inside a car.
  • You see two trees fighting over a dog.
  • You can say "Hohokam" and people don’t think you’re laughing funny
  • You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River
  • You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves
  • You can pronounce"Saguaro", "Tempe", "San Xavier", "Canyon de Chelly", "Mogollon Rim", and "Cholla"
  • You can fry an egg on the hood of a car IN THE MORNING!
  • You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
  • You can understand the reason for a town named "Why"
  • You hear people say "but it’s a DRY heat!"
  • You buy salsa by the gallon.
  • Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags.
  • You think a red light is merely a suggestion.
  • All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April.
  • You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever.
  • Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los."
  • You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard.
  • Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof.
  • Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer.
  • Most homes have more firearms than people.
  • Kids will ask, "What’s a mosquito?"
  • People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts.
  • You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you’re wearing shorts.
  • If you haven’t worked for Motorola at some time, you must be a newcomer.
  • You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds.
  • You have to look up "mass transit" in the dictionary. 
  • You’ve experienced condensation on your butt cheeks from the hot water evaporating in the toilet bowl.   
  • You think Taco Bell is the local phone company. 
  • A three-inch rain in Phoenix means three inches between drops. 
  • You take rain dances seriously.
  • A rainy day puts you in a good mood.

Welcome to Arizona, where summer spends the winter – and hell spends the summer. 
~Popular saying, modified from a booster slogan in the 1930s.

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9 thoughts on “IT’S A DRY HEAT

  1. I went to ASU. Moved there in August, because I am an idiot. In December, I was in my room at 10 pm getting ready to go to the pool, because it was soooo hot, watching a snowstorm on the news 2 hours away.

    I love AZ, hated the school, loved the state. It was the only time I could breathe and didn’t get headaches.

    Dry heat my ass. 120 is hot, it’s just easier to breathe.

  2. Shelli:
    Unfortunately, I am right there with you. I would love a world that was a continual 70 degrees, with the sun peeking through a bunch of big puffy clouds. Ahhh.

    Dariana:
    Well, thank you. I haven’t really explored BlogMad very fully. I guess now that they’re up and running, I should do so.

    If anyone else would like to do so, you can check them out HERE. If you need a referral, my username there is mamassage. I think that should work.

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