Are you also addicted to LOST?


If not, do not even bother with
reading this post. It would be
completely lost on you.


"Welcome to Oceanic Air! How can I help you?"

"Hi. I’m just checking in. I have a question — I couldn’t help but notice
that I didn’t get a seat assignment with my ticket."

"Oh, let me look… Yes. Well, we have just a few questions before we can
give your seat assignment."



"Like frequent flyer accounts, exit/bulkhead row sorts of things?"

"No. We at Oceanic give seats according to background questions we ask all
our passengers."

"Like what?"

"Well, for example, would you say you have an interesting back

"Come again?"

"Back story. Your past. Would you say it’s compelling?"

"I don’t understand."

"Well, from your past, would you say you have any deep-seated worries or
shames? Any profound sadnesses? Any incredibly melodramatic events?"

"Well, no. No. Not really."

"How’s your relationship with your father?"

"My father? It’s good."

"By ‘good’, do you mean tortured, resentful, estranged…"

"What? No! No."


"How is that good?"


"Resentful? Estranged? That’s not good."

"From a storytelling angle, it can be very good."

"Um. Okay."

"What brought you to
Australia ?"Vacation."
"And by vacation, are we talking, say…running a con, or stalking a
murder victim, on the lam from Federal Marshals? Are you undercover in the war
on terror?"

"What? No!"

"Tracking your drunk and desperate father?"

"What did I just tell you about my father?"

"Sorry, sir. Are you by any chance pregnant with a magical mystery baby?
Have sex with a step sister?"

"Okay. Look. This is retardulous."

"4. 8. 15. 16. 23. 42."

"Sigh. Is that my seat assignment?"

"Huh? Should it be?"


"4. 8. 15. –"

"Yes! I heard you before! What are those numbers?"

"Do those numbers make you upset?"

"Are you freaking kidding me?"

"You seem upset."

"I’m upset because I don’t understand what you are talking about!"

"The numbers don’t mean anything to you?"

"They have meaning to me only in that they appear to be the idiot sounds coming
out of your idiot lips!"

"OK. So you’re quick to anger?"

" — "

"And the numbers mean nothing to you."

" — "

"Hmm! Interesting! You’re angry, boring, and prone to just being silent
for long periods."

"Look. I don’t know what this is about. I just want my seat assignment.
Okay? Is that too freaking hard for you to grasp with your ignorant brain? Give
me my seat assignment!"

"Sure thing, sir. 40G."

"That’s like, back in the tail."



"If you had a compelling personal narrative, we could move you into the
center section."

"No. That’s fine."

"Thank you for flying Oceanic."


Posted to the ABC LOST forum: Nov 22 by: Single_Guy
(10 Posts in the last 90 days) Registered: 
Feb 21, 2005


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