Big Fat Weenie

PsychoI read this review of  The
Ring Two
. As will happen, this got me to
thinking about my unusual relationship with horror movies.

I DO NOT watch scary movies.

Period.

End of story.

I simply cannot handle it. I lie in bed for hours listening to my
house. I still can’t take a shower if no
one else is home…and heaven forbid it’s night time. I had just gotten over the Psycho
shower thing, when along came The X Files and, I don’t know how many creepy things came crawling out
of showers, and washing machines and stuff. About as big a liquid holding appliance as I can now deal with is a
blender. And that’s only because they
make daiquiris. Then I was starting to
relax from that, when I saw the commercial previews of some new horror flick, where
that hand comes out of that girl’s hair in the shower. I’m a total goner again.

I didn’t inherit this trait. I know this because one of my mother’s
favorite things, if my father is away, is to turn off all the lights and watch
the entire Aliens quadrilogy. I, personally think she’s nuts.

I didn’t pass it along, either.

Maya (13 years old) and Chris watch these movies when
I’m gone. They actually set up scary
movie dates. They’ll go out while I stay
home with Kajsa. Upon their arrival
home, I make them tell me all about the plot…especially the ending, to demystify
the commercials.  That way, I’m not as
afraid of them anymore.

Movies that have left me irrationally terrified
include:

  • Signs (when the
    alien walks across the space as they are all looking out)
  • Contact (good
    movie, but the thumping makes me leave the room)

I don’t know why I am this way. But I always have been. I remember so clearly the very first time I
ever saw a commercial for Alien. That night all I could see when I closed my
eyes, was that egg sitting there with the greenish glow on it.

Is it weird that I’m now CRAVING popcorn?

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4 thoughts on “Big Fat Weenie

  1. And see the official popcorn month isn’t until October. You are early! OK, don’t watch the horror flicks with me–but will you consider making a cross-country trip for a chick flick and daiquiris?

  2. Man, you know it’s even worse to be a dude who hates horror movies! For some reason everyone thinks it’s hilarious that I don’t like them. I hate that stuff, and whenever someone convinces me to watch them I feel so dumb shuting my eyes, pluging my ears and singing, “La la la la la.”

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